I need to rewind. Sigh.

Shit.

4:27 a.m.

Once again, i miss the trip and competition at moscow. Spamming art and having sleepless nights reminds me of the transit times at Dubai where a few days seem like a really long neverending day because of the strange hours and lack of sleep.

Ah.

I miss canoeing and everyone in the national team. We do so much shit together, it feels like a family ):

Fire on the hill
Fire in me still
I feel out of my league
But you turn around and you say to me that

I love everybody here
And I agree
I love everybody here

Don't Leave Me High, Don't Leave Me Dry. Not Now.

'Wouldn't know'

'Wouldn't care'

'Wouldn't matter anymore'

I don't care either

I lie.

I just don't know how to tell you

Just give me a minute to pour out every little bit so that you'll know and I know.

Sigh. I don't know

I'm Tired Of Today

Its one of those days when you look and you just go "Damnit".

Anyway races went well today, had hell lot of abrasions though and i think i messed with my sleep cycle when i took that 3 hour nap.

So why do i still feel so down?

Can you tell me why you have been so sad?
Can you tell me why you have been so

sad?

(Don't Feel Too) Invincible

Yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once
Before we felt loss for the first time?

I hate the irony of the art pieces i'm doing.

What's The Rush?

I realised i haven't ever really blogged about daily life before. It seems pretty strange to talk about the day. Like there are just so many things to talk about everyday, i don't really know where to start.

Its been 12 days since i've turned 18. Probably has to be the worst birthday ever yet. Okay thats overrated. Thanks for all those wallposts on facebook and those smses. Made me smile for real for the first time in weeks, honestly :). Just a bit of things that has been haunting me lately.

And so i'm typing this on bus number 14 on the way to tuition. Gotta remember when to drop though. Not really familiar with the route. Anyway, i changed my mind. Maybe blogging for particular events in the week seems like better material. I don't think anyone wants to know i went to daniel's church today (BRMC by the way) X) kidding daniel, don't cry!

Ever since Event of Great Distress took place, things have been pretty strange. Made new friends, step back and seen where i stand, started listening to music on the go again, started playing my guitar again. Yada yada. And strange messages pop up regarding my sitiation everyday in the most unexpected ways, almost like God sending advice from heaven down to earth:

'Brian, life goes on, this is a lesson learnt, the next time, you'll know what to do right and do it better'

so i did stray, i did go too fast, now i know. Learn Brian, learn.

And be better. So right now, i have no idea where on earth i'm at now.. I hope i didn't miss my stop. I'm gonna be late for tuition if i do.

On the first week of Event of Great Distress occuring,

hold on, lemme check with the bus driver where i am. I don't recognise this place.

Okay 4 stops.

Anyway i met Small Fry. Small Fry is highly experienced about the Event of Great Distress. Been there, done that. I think Small Fry probably had it worse off than me. Small Fry says it takes time to get over it, but don't take too long coz you're never gonna get anywhere if you take too long. Sounds very extreme though. Besides i know i'm not the only one experiencing Great Distress coz Small Fry has her own kind of distress; we're on the same sinking boat. Well another sort which i can't say. I don't really fancy death by eyedrops.

Welcome to my boat, its already sunken actually, if you don't mind. Once in a while there's a little difficulty breathing but once you get over it, its pretty nice here.

Tuition now

tuition done.

'Shit happens like how bunnies multiply'

And of course one of the first people i turned to was the wise lolcat. Okay to a certain extent. Because i know her idea of flinging isn't what i'd like to do. I'm not that sort. lolcat says i need to forget if its really not working because it isn't gonna do me any good waiting for something that won't happen before ending off with a comforting pat pat and then harassing the Boy Who Has Never Tasted Mangoes.

Lately things have been pretty surreal. Its like normal life except it kinda feels like something is strangely odd. Its like falling asleep on a january night and waking up realising that, woah, its may. Or walking past something that gives a strange 3rd person flashback; suddenly you're watching yourself and what you did and going,

damn, why didn't i do that then?

Sadly you can't turn back time. You can forgive but you can't forget, and that's true. But when you forgive you don't bring up what you can't forget again. You lock it up and keep it at the back of your mind and remember it so you can take revenge when you need to! Kidding. You learn from it. Like how you learn from mistakes.

So anyway, daily life is pretty much the same. Something new needs to come along soon. I shall get drunk on art maths and physics because if i'm gonna give myself a headache, i'd better be helping me. Need to forget too.

I realized this doesn’t make sense. Unfiltered random thoughts of Brian.

Okay I lied. I rather not forget and have things work out if they can.

Halloween felt like yesterday

Rebuild

#13 Its my birthday tomorrow.

Damn you Brian, pick yourself up and just go. Its just one of life's lessons.

18 comes only once.

Edit: Shucks I need a flickr pro account soon.

The End Of The World As I Know It

#9 I hate physics. But deep down, I think its really cool.

I do admit I might have been going too fast, but do remember I can slow down too.
I'm not gone; just wondering and waiting.

Be kind, rewind?

By the way, first video post!

Breezed

#8 Sometimes I wonder if i should have aimed to be a doctor to save people. Art just sits around looking pretty. I haven't seen them save lives.

A miracle would be nice now.
Maybe turn back some time,
Fix some things,
I don't know, figure out
What went wrong,

Oh God help me.
Now would be rather nice.

Sigh

Upon Reflecting On Life

#7 I don't go down without a tough fight.

No matter what happens today, tomorrow, or whenever,
I'll still put my trust in God and thank him for everything.

So, lets go

Hey wait hey don't you want
To hear what I have to say
Hey wait hey don't you know
This is where the strong will go on

All I ever wanted
Was you

All That I Know Is I'm Breathing

#6 I do wonder if everything is just a dream. Maybe I'm in a deep deep sleep. Maybe I'm lying in a bed in a warm house, a office chair in a cubicle, a bench in a park. On the floor in the middle of nowhere.

I am my own greatest enemy
Because of what i do that i stand to lose

I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you


I want to believe in more than you and me.

Drops Of Jupiter

Now that she's back in the atmosphere

#2 I wish I wrote Drop Of Jupiter. Be it mainstream, overplayed, overused, over interpreted or overrated, I don't care. I think its an awesome song, especially the lyrics.

I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land



Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Take One A Day Lest You Should Forget

I wake up in the morning and i find myself asking my drowsy self: "How much do you want her? Study hard or face the consequences! Your fault! Your mistakes! You screwed up once before and this is how you pay! It's your fault if it doesn't work out because you're slacking! Then don't say you wish you could turn back time and you'll give anything and you'll cut 10 years of your life and..."

I digress. I like this photo. I put in a lot of heart and work to get this 1/60th of a second; barely a breath. But its worth it. I hope You like it too. I sent it in to some Olympus Valentine's Day competition for fun too.

Anyway time to study hard. Rid of distractions. Slack attitude. Laziness. Procrastination.

"You know-"
"Yes I know"

I'm slacking now. Sigh.

Okay back to work now.

#1 I like rainy days. Its so noisy with the pitter patter but yet so peaceful. And raindrops are so mesmerizing, like look into them and its like seeing this upside down world in a fishbowl which just goes and goes and goes and

Sometimes it feels like someone somewhere, out there, is laughing at me. Ohwell.

Yes I shall study hard

Everyone In This Room, They've Got Troubles Too

"Better use of paper?"
"Yeah?"
"Better use of paper?!"
"Yea."

I feel happy that there is a fan of my photos who is complaining that i'm not updating, so here is a whole lot of photos! (Its about time to update though)

Shot of a kayak...

...and another.

And She knows I love frogs as much as I know She loves elephants



The city while flying in the flyer

And Grandma


I gotta get out of here,
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, to be my escape

Anyway, since the start of the year, everything has been a rush and within a second, whoa, its February. How (unpleasantly) fast. Suddenly i forget my camera functions, my colourful-makeshift-drawing notebook has yet to be coloured, and has been removed from my backpack to make space for Miss Julie and art suddenly seems so difficult. Not as difficult as HL Maths (Ah, the art of positive thinking)

And I have about half a roll of film in my holga which has yet to see the light of day (or the glows of night)

Sigh.

EE calls once again.

"Work hard Brian!" Brian says, "For time could rush by in the blink of an eye!"

Maybe i will make my background black so the pictures can stand out more.

OH

Food for the heart and soul


I Don't Wanna be Your Favorite Enemy
Not when I can be Loving You, alright

;

i dreamed i was dying

as i so often do;

and when i awoke

i was sure it was true.

i ran to the window

threw my head to the sky,

and said whoever is up there, please don't let me die

The Problem With Taking Photos...

I remember once someone asked me, being a (Noob) photographer, "Is it true that you are hardly get any pictures of yourself?"

Quite true actually, i realised while digging through my collection of photos later that day. I have barely any photos of myself. Well i do have, but those are group photos after outings, or competitions, and not taken by me. I realised most of my photos are of non living, inanimate objects (Other than a few cats, and a few people. And a monkey). Well interesting, but doesn't provide much memory of events. Other than drama tickets and others X)

So perhaps, maybe its time to pick up a simple point and shoot instead. Or maybe i'm just camera shy.

Ah work is killing me.

Forget My Wrongs, Remember My Rights

^click?

Its Been 2 Days,

Since you left. But you'll be back next week so awesome X)

And 5 seems to be awfully huge. Hope you had fun!

And I can't seem to find a picture to describe today, 2 days ago
Ohwell :)
I hope you're looking here!
Anyway! Today was the first training in 5 days and apparently it was a last minute decision because there was no physics remedial. I have to say 5 days off is pretty harsh on the balance but ohwell. A break is a break X)

Note to self:
Study maths
Do something about your physics
Take more pictures
Stop daydreaming of you X)

Actually don't, it could give you ideas for art too. My creative juices have ran dry (Oh nos)
How stressful. Miss you!
Buffet tomorrow!

And I don't want to miss a thing
Not anymore

What a feeling in my soul,

I Shall Not Waste My Vulgarities On Anyone Of You

To you, teacher, you don't go tell my mom i didn't bother to attend remedial when i told you in your face i can't go because i have tuition. IN YOUR FACE.

To you, my other teacher, i know you think i don't care about my maths, but i practiced my maths before my exams, and i am gonna make you eat your words.

To you, can you just listen to me for once, and let me speak.

And lastly to you, don't tell me to watch my mouth when you yourself don't even watch yours when you talk to me sometimes. Frustration is a really lame excuse. Try being a role model, please.

I try, but you people don't bother. You have no idea how much i hold back while typing this.