What's The Rush?

I realised i haven't ever really blogged about daily life before. It seems pretty strange to talk about the day. Like there are just so many things to talk about everyday, i don't really know where to start.

Its been 12 days since i've turned 18. Probably has to be the worst birthday ever yet. Okay thats overrated. Thanks for all those wallposts on facebook and those smses. Made me smile for real for the first time in weeks, honestly :). Just a bit of things that has been haunting me lately.

And so i'm typing this on bus number 14 on the way to tuition. Gotta remember when to drop though. Not really familiar with the route. Anyway, i changed my mind. Maybe blogging for particular events in the week seems like better material. I don't think anyone wants to know i went to daniel's church today (BRMC by the way) X) kidding daniel, don't cry!

Ever since Event of Great Distress took place, things have been pretty strange. Made new friends, step back and seen where i stand, started listening to music on the go again, started playing my guitar again. Yada yada. And strange messages pop up regarding my sitiation everyday in the most unexpected ways, almost like God sending advice from heaven down to earth:

'Brian, life goes on, this is a lesson learnt, the next time, you'll know what to do right and do it better'

so i did stray, i did go too fast, now i know. Learn Brian, learn.

And be better. So right now, i have no idea where on earth i'm at now.. I hope i didn't miss my stop. I'm gonna be late for tuition if i do.

On the first week of Event of Great Distress occuring,

hold on, lemme check with the bus driver where i am. I don't recognise this place.

Okay 4 stops.

Anyway i met Small Fry. Small Fry is highly experienced about the Event of Great Distress. Been there, done that. I think Small Fry probably had it worse off than me. Small Fry says it takes time to get over it, but don't take too long coz you're never gonna get anywhere if you take too long. Sounds very extreme though. Besides i know i'm not the only one experiencing Great Distress coz Small Fry has her own kind of distress; we're on the same sinking boat. Well another sort which i can't say. I don't really fancy death by eyedrops.

Welcome to my boat, its already sunken actually, if you don't mind. Once in a while there's a little difficulty breathing but once you get over it, its pretty nice here.

Tuition now

tuition done.

'Shit happens like how bunnies multiply'

And of course one of the first people i turned to was the wise lolcat. Okay to a certain extent. Because i know her idea of flinging isn't what i'd like to do. I'm not that sort. lolcat says i need to forget if its really not working because it isn't gonna do me any good waiting for something that won't happen before ending off with a comforting pat pat and then harassing the Boy Who Has Never Tasted Mangoes.

Lately things have been pretty surreal. Its like normal life except it kinda feels like something is strangely odd. Its like falling asleep on a january night and waking up realising that, woah, its may. Or walking past something that gives a strange 3rd person flashback; suddenly you're watching yourself and what you did and going,

damn, why didn't i do that then?

Sadly you can't turn back time. You can forgive but you can't forget, and that's true. But when you forgive you don't bring up what you can't forget again. You lock it up and keep it at the back of your mind and remember it so you can take revenge when you need to! Kidding. You learn from it. Like how you learn from mistakes.

So anyway, daily life is pretty much the same. Something new needs to come along soon. I shall get drunk on art maths and physics because if i'm gonna give myself a headache, i'd better be helping me. Need to forget too.

I realized this doesn’t make sense. Unfiltered random thoughts of Brian.

Okay I lied. I rather not forget and have things work out if they can.

Halloween felt like yesterday

Rebuild

#13 Its my birthday tomorrow.

Damn you Brian, pick yourself up and just go. Its just one of life's lessons.

18 comes only once.

Edit: Shucks I need a flickr pro account soon.

And Squid Said To Fish: "How Did It End Up Like This", And Crocodile Added:"What A Stressful Matter"

While The Frogs Sat In A Circle, Heads On Their Fists,
Wondering If Elephant Remembers.
But Elephant Was Sleeping And It Was Dreaming,
Of Lobsters Turning Into Flying Pigeons

sigh

#12 If you willed hard enough would you get what you will? I like to think somehow you will.

God, this feels like crap. Sigh.

#11 Of all the times of the day, i like evening and night the most.

Sigh.

Here's Monday,Tuesday, And Before You Know It, It's May

#10 Perhaps. I dream too much, I try too hard, I don't know when to give up. Perhaps.

Now that i think of it, time passes too damn fast. Just yesterday felt like last July, and next thing we know, IB exams are just around the corner, catching you when you least expect it to.

And yesterday. Felt like You were just around the corner waiting for me. Walking together, talking together, dreaming together. Changing together.

Alright, study Brian study, paddle Brian paddle, pick yourself up and go Brian. It will happen when it happens.

I just realised, i haven't been blogging about alot of things i should have. Ah.

Don't walk away then turn and say "I love you" anyway

The End Of The World As I Know It

#9 I hate physics. But deep down, I think its really cool.

I do admit I might have been going too fast, but do remember I can slow down too.
I'm not gone; just wondering and waiting.

Be kind, rewind?

By the way, first video post!

Breezed

#8 Sometimes I wonder if i should have aimed to be a doctor to save people. Art just sits around looking pretty. I haven't seen them save lives.

A miracle would be nice now.
Maybe turn back some time,
Fix some things,
I don't know, figure out
What went wrong,

Oh God help me.
Now would be rather nice.

Sigh

Upon Reflecting On Life

#7 I don't go down without a tough fight.

No matter what happens today, tomorrow, or whenever,
I'll still put my trust in God and thank him for everything.

So, lets go

Hey wait hey don't you want
To hear what I have to say
Hey wait hey don't you know
This is where the strong will go on

All I ever wanted
Was you

All That I Know Is I'm Breathing

#6 I do wonder if everything is just a dream. Maybe I'm in a deep deep sleep. Maybe I'm lying in a bed in a warm house, a office chair in a cubicle, a bench in a park. On the floor in the middle of nowhere.

I am my own greatest enemy
Because of what i do that i stand to lose

I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to lose you


I want to believe in more than you and me.

Chain Of Thought

#5 I like to take out my goggles and take a deep breath and sit underwater as long as i can, eyes open, watching the ripples above me and thinking. It calms me.

I woke dreaming we had broke
Dreaming you left me for someone new,

If you broke down every day into a memory, every memory into a moment, every moment into a second, and carefully watched it while time crawls by slowly, and for that split second, you remembered those bubbles. Bubbles that were captured in a heartbeat; perhaps a single bubble your little eye spied, particularly shiny, particularly round. Or because it reminded you of that scene in a movie, the drowning of Anne Lively in Minority Report; Maybe you wonder if this is the last thing you would ever see if you drowned. And perhaps the air in that bubble was once breathed in by your ancestors, maybe by Hitler (Is insanity airbourne), maybe even Jesus. And was that breath air the very first bit of air when God created the world? And you wonder if She breathed in that breath of air too; and the oxygen that runs through her veins, through her mind (Was she thinking of you?); into her heart (Were you in her heart?) and pumped right back into her lungs and exhaled and

now you're out of breath and you kick and you squirm and you surface for air, and forget. And forget about what you thought about; take a deep breath, diving back underwater to swim and suddenly the bubbles are just little things holding precious air to keep you alive.

But this is the way I need to wake
I'll wake to you, and you never left me
All that I dreamt had been untrue
Open my eyes I see sky

EDIT: To round it off i quote:

"Feast on life while the diner is open, for tomorrow, it is converted into a Starbucks."
...
"I don't want to worry about life, the afterlife is more fun. You get to play squash with Albert Einstien"