Making Ripples

And so, i play this weird/interesting/amusing psychological game in my head before races, as some form of entertainment or stress relief.

Basically, I find every possible way to screw my race up.

So, I tell myself,

"Your stroke is wrong"
"Your sprinting is messed"
"Your boat is a miraculous floating epoxy junk" ( I agree, actually)
"Your race is the hardest"

It did happen last year. My boat flew off the rack, (A spectacular sight indeed) and landed flat on the ground, and there was a huge gash on its @$$ and it kinda cracked open. Like a tuna can. Well that day, i admit, i was freaked. The next day, i was calm. First thing on my mind was: "Its pretty cool racing in a boat patched with duct tape. Sounds fun enough." (In the end it got a crappy fix up, which was just smacked on to hold it together and an @$$ job. But I still like it. Looks nice. She's got character. Lol)

Amazingly, its this kind of things that make me stress free. It gives me the feeling of Damn-This-Is-So-Rock-Bottom-It-Can't-Get-Worse. When you're rock bottom, any idiot can tell you the only way out is pretty much up. As a result, there's this awesome feeling of nothing can go wrong because everything has gone wrong.

And so, I push myself, harder than ever; Because if i fail badly and fall back into the pits of Rock Bottom, well at least its a familiar place. If i don't, good then. Bonus. I'm amused knowing i beat my opponents when my head says i can't.

In a way, it reminds me of confession. Sometimes confession to God about what on earth bugs you all day, stresses you to no end, what you can't do, what you failed at, how bad a Christian you are sometimes. It can do wonders. First step to solving your problems is admitting you're messed. Second step is trusting God to be around to help you change. And most importantly trust Him without doubt. Its hard, but nothing is easy.

So tomorrow (And the day after and till i decide i've had enough of pulling water in a junk of boat), I'm going out there in the middle of algae green Macritchie, and race,

Not worrying about my opponents, the wind, the water, whatever is wrong with me,

But rather looking forward to whatever amusing results may come, and trusting God that its the best way ever.

If I don't deliver results, awesome, I'm no longer a favourite! I got no pressure the next time i race!

Sometimes i don't know if i'm a pessimist or optimist, and sometimes i think i kinda blurred the boundaries between both. Hah