I would like to give up some speed for a little more intellect; I really hate struggling to scrape past my stuff despite working hard.
Or maybe all i need is some will to keep me going.
I'd rather be scoring well constantly than be going fast for just a moment.
It matters when it is about how fucked you'll be 10 years down the road.
Art is nice,
It looks pretty on walls, not on paper. Paper that labels you for life.
Please don't look at me like that, I know what i got myself into.
And don't you ever think its easy.
I wish it would pay off as much as other subjects,
Instead of just being admired.
Some people are really lucky in a way.
I do hope they remain lucky.
I just wish i had that kind of luck.
The kind that stays.
Don't tell me i could have used this time to study.
I know why I'm here.
It easier written than said.
Most people just won't understand.
At least give me an idea of what i'm doing here. This is not the time to crash out.
1 comment:
I tend to think that you're going through a frustrating and difficult problem that is taking its time to solve. This problem is special and personal to you in a unique way that may be hard to express completely in trust. You're certain that no one else may understand or assist you in this difficulty. You're sick of lame crappy stereotypical advices and fake reassurances and want to get over this. You need the time to find a solution to it, yet your load of schoolwork does not permit you the luxury. In addition, the fear of disappointment from your past failures holds you back from trusting yourself. You're afraid of repeating the same mistakes again because you're not sure if this time you may get it right. It's hard for you 'cos maybe you're not sure if you can trust others yet you're not sure if you can fully trust yourself either.
You're confused. You're having brain-lag now and aren't able to fully concentrate on the work at hand because of that. You don't want to run away from your problem because you want to be responsible and you don't want to be a coward. But because you believe that you lack the adequate capacity to handle things, it weakens you.
You're insecure, you're not sure whether you can be as confident about your abilities as you used to because of this time of worry. You're worried that since this is a pivotal crucial academic period of your life, if you trip, it'd screw up your entire adulthood. This fear is crippling you mentally very painfully and badly and you're not sure how to face it squarely.
You think others have it better than you do presently which accentuates that insecurity 'cos you think you might be lagging in such a tough and competitive environment. And it really sorta unnerves you.
Rest assured, I have faith that you can make it. You are talented and capable and are a very lovable person. How you do it I may not be able to fully say accurately. Only you know how to do it the way you can. I don't know how and you don't know how to either for now. But be patient and give yourself a leap of faith. You need it. Really. Worry less, trust yourself more and don't give in to false abstractions of unforgivable stress. Take care Brian.
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